This weekend, I had the pleasure to attend Bay City,
Michigan’s 9th Annual Hell’s Half Mile Film & Music Festival. As of this writing, the festival is in its
final day, and unfortunately this means that I was unable to attend today’s
showings due to scheduling conflicts.
However, I thought that I would offer some quick thoughts on the films I
did see. These aren’t going to be fully
fleshed-out reviews, mostly because most of these films don’t have a
distributor yet, so the chances of the average person seeing them outside the
festival circuit are pretty slim.
However, I offer you my audience participation scores and my reasoning
so that if these films do get picked up for distribution, perhaps you’ll
remember what a Pretentious Best Friend once told you.
Feature Films
Arlo and Julie – 1/5
With no understanding of comedic pacing, some truly amateur camerawork,
and a bizarrely discordant soundtrack seemingly comprised entirely of
budget-saving public domain songs, this film is a trainwreck. I wouldn’t be surprised if director Steve
Mims listed Tommy Wiseau among his directoral influences.
Patrick’s Day – 3/5 An
interesting look at the life of a schizophrenic in love, yet the film has some
serious first act focus issues, jumping back and forth in perspective so that
it doesn’t ground itself with a protagonist or central conflict. When a protagonist does emerge in the second
act, though, the film takes a turn for the better and is heartbreakingly tragic
as a result.
Der Samurai – 1/5 A
disgusting film that equates gender non-conformity with violent psychopathy by
placing its male villain in a dress and lipstick and offering no subsequent
explanation. The film suffers from an
overly convenient plot and nonsensical twists, and while well-directed and
shot, this film has one of the worst screenplays I’ve ever seen.
OJ: The Musical – 4/5 A
cute, if quite predictable, story of a stage director trying to get a crazy
musical idea off the ground with the help of old childhood friends. There’s a running joke about suicide that is
truly unfunny, but the rest of the film’s charm makes up for that.
Wild Canaries – 3/5 It’s
hard for me to measure this one since there were technical difficulties during
the showing of this film. However, while
the mystery plot was engaging, the characters’ intersecting love lives made
them all unlikeable to a certain extent, and the romantic subplots could have
easily been cut in favor of more sleuthing shenanigans. Not a bad movie, but more like half of a good
one.
BFFs – 4/5 Probably the
best film I saw, this one analyzes where the line is drawn between best friend
and romantic partner. While I don’t think
the film was as funny as intended, the story is strong enough to support the
film’s faults.
Short Films
The Gunfighter – 5/5 A
funny joke that doesn’t overstay its welcome.
The Crumb Of It – 2/5 Well
acted and directed, but hell if I know what it was trying to tell me.
SPONGE – 1/5 A
pretentious musical romp that wants to be profound but ultimately feels
idiotic.
The Telegram Man – 4/5
It perhaps takes too long to get to its point, but the emotional gut-punch
ending works.
Breaking Chains – 5/5 A
strong message film that brings awareness to a critical global issue.
Universal Language – 3/5
Overlong and utterly predictable, yet quaint in its earnestness to tell
a love story.
The Zombie’s Trip – 4/5
Shortest film of the festival, biggest WTF surprise.
Directors on Directing – 4/5
The joke perhaps runs a little too long, but to sustain five minutes of
film on one joke isn’t easy.
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