Let me start out by saying how incredibly bizarre it is that
this film even exists. Seriously, this
film was made on a joking dare by Kevin Smith’s podcast audience, and it now
has a wide theatrical release, headlined by well-known actors like Justin Long,
Haley Joel Osment, and Johnny Depp. And
this is a movie about a man who captures people and surgically transforms them
into walruses. I… I hardly even know
where to begin with this one, folks.
This is one of the most bizarre films I’ve ever had the pleasure of
seeing, and that alone is worth the price of admission.
Justin Long plays a podcaster named Wallace (oh jeez, see
what they did there?) who runs a podcast with his friend Teddy. Together they exploit interesting people for
hits on the internet. While on a trip
to Canada, Wallace runs across an advertisement for living space with a man who
promises interesting stories in exchange for doing household chores. The intrigued Wallace goes to meet this man,
named Howard Howe (played by Michael Parks).
Howe subsequently drugs Wallace and begins the process of desecrating
Wallace’s body so as to turn him into a facsimile of a beloved walrus from Howe’s
youth, affectionately named Mr. Tusk.
Meanwhile, Teddy and Wallace’s girlfriend realize Wallace has been
abducted, and they head to Canada to hunt him down.
That, my friends, is the strangest synopsis that I’ve ever
had to write. And you know what? As ludicrous as that descriptions sounds, the
film mostly works precisely because of how ludicrous it is. This film has been billed as a horror comedy,
which is a genre mashup that’s very difficult to pull off. However, this film manages to walk the line of
those two disparate film-types by sticking to one principle: shoot all the
horror scenes with straight-faced sincerity, no matter how ridiculous. Director Kevin Smith knows that this is an
absolutely preposterous film that he’s making, so there doesn’t need to be any
winks to the audience as the absurd plot unfolds before us; that absurdity
speaks for itself, and the fact that we’re basically watching The Human Centipede with A FUCKING
WALRUS is such a strange premise that the film sustains itself purely on that
intrigue.
The only times I think the film really falters are in some
of the scenes that require straight comedy to sustain interest, because
sometimes the jokes fall pretty flat. The
first act is dominated by the douchebag Wallace, but most of his lines
lack any sort of comedic timing, so he’s just aggravating to watch at
times. I realize that he’s supposed to
be unlikeable so that we don’t feel too sympathetic for him as he’s mutilated
later in the film, but I think the film perhaps dwells on his attitude to the
point where he becomes unnecessarily obnoxious.
That said, Johnny Depp shows up in the scene-stealing second act role as an ex-cop to deliver
a wonderfully bizarre monologue about his career of hunting the serial killer. The resulting flashback, while perhaps a little overlong, is strangely hypnotic
in its pure stupid grace.
Tusk is one of
those films that is truly one of a kind.
I won’t pretend that it’s a masterpiece by any stretch of the
imagination, but it’s the kind of experience that really needs to be seen to be
believed. The final scenes will convince
you of that if nothing else. Kevin Smith
has created something that will be burned into my memory until the day I die,
and all-in-all, that’s an accomplishment worthy of commendation and a
recommendation. Go see Tusk.
I don’t regret it, but even if you do, it will be worth it to know just
how weird that goddamn walrus movie is.
Kevin Smith has announced two more horror movies to come out
in the near future to complete what he calls The True North Trilogy. After this, I’m oddly excited. Leave your thoughts and impressions in the
comments below.
What the hell. Why not? It's going in the queue.
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